Traces of Me...

Marriage

2011-11-09T20:28:00.000-08:00

*Marriage isn’t about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.

10 C’s

-Christ-centered: keep Jesus on the throne of your life!!!

-Cry out to God! Pray for your future spouse! And when you’re married, it is of paramount importance to pray together!!!

-Cultivate intimacy. The hard work of marriage is maintaining oneness. Fight for it and your relationship with the Lord!

-Communicate consistently. Talk a lot. Takes effort!

-Constantly evaluate. Where are we going? Is there anything we can change?

-Consider the other person ABOVE YOURSELF. You are happiest when you’re not pursuing your own happiness! (This is probably the hardest for me!)

-Conflict. See it as an opportunity for growth and intimacy. Restoration is key! Man should always be the initiator and pursuer, just as Christ is for us.

-Commit to learn. Study one another. Know everything there is to know. Ask people with awesome marriages about it!

-Counseling. Get great pre-marital counseling. Very important. Don’t be afraid to get help after you’re married.

-Common purpose. Work together. God created woman to be man’s helper. Make sure your passions for the kingdom are similar!

*Marriage is more about your holiness than your happiness! God sanctifies us through it!

“Women, marry a humble, teachable man. You have things to teach him.”

“Husbands, you can have an amazing godly wife who loves the Lord and His word, but if you force her to be the spiritual leader of the house and you are passive, your family will struggle. That is one of the number one problems in families in our day.”

Update

2011-10-23T17:39:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since I have actually taken time out to write a blog entry, but it's definitely time. Having the ability to look back over numerous entries I've written over the past few years has truly allowed me to see how faithful God has been in my life and how unworthy I am to call Him my Savior, my God, my Father!

I don't even know where to begin! My life has changed so much over these last few years. So much I am ashamed of. So much I am proud of. So much has happened.

I'll start with school. Being in my third year of college, the demands have definitely increased. I am expected to get 120 observation hours: 90 Special Ed hours of observation and 30 hours of general ed observations. Sounds easy right? Not so much. These observations aren't just sit and observe. I'm involved. I am actually teaching and preparing lessons. It's like I'm student teaching, but not as demanding. It's a lot more difficult then you would think. Especially for me and my ADHD. Simple tasks take me so much longer. I'm not complaining because I am so grateful for the opportunities and especially grateful for all the praise I get in my teaching, but it definitely wears me out.

Work Update:
I'm currently unemployed. I had to quit the YMCA this semester because school became way too demanding. This was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Anyone who knows me, knows that those kids were my life. I loved them all and it was the hardest thing to leave them while they were giving me huge hugs and cards of goodbyes as I walked out the door.
I do however babysit two days a week for my old high school choir teacher. This is definitely a high light of my week and I love babysitting her! :) I always tell people I'm more like a nanny than a babysitter with how much I do haha
I also started coaching cheerleading again. After cheering for 10 years and coaching for 1, I was easily sucked back in. I'll admit, I miss cheering. I don't miss the ungrateful attitude it gave me, but I miss the interaction, exercise, and the competitiveness of the sport. I definitely love the coaching atmosphere and my girls and one boy are awesome, but I would still love if I was still cheering. I still struggle with wondering how different my life would have been if I never quit and continued on with my dream of cheering at UK.

An update on my "dating" life:
I was in a relationship with someone off and on for four years. Everyone who has been involved in my life knows the situation and I'm not going to go into detail. After the relationship ended, I beat myself up over it for the longest time. I was left feeling ashamed of how I treated the man who gave me his whole heart and I only gave him a piece of mine. I no longer felt that I deserved to be loved by someone again. After feeling ashamed, I went into the anger stage. I began to analyze our relationship and convinced myself that he deserved to be treated the way I treated him. This man wasn't worthy of my love. One day, God slammed me in the face and I realized just how ungrateful of a person I had become. I began to refocus my life on Christ and was not willing to let just anyone win such a precious gift in God's eyes. After several months, God sent me a very special person. Through a mutual friend, a seed had been planted about a guy from Campbellsville who played ball who would be a "perfect match for me" or so I hear. After many months of persuasion, I was eager to meet this "great" guy. From the first moment I heard his voice, I knew. This was a very special guy indeed. I've written letters to my unknown future husband for a number of years now and I recall the night after I got off the phone with him. I wrote my future husband a letter that said: "I found you! I finally found you!"

I will be with Shane for a year this December and I have to admit that I am truly humbled by that fact. I typically have a very hard time staying attracted or even simply interested in a guy for over two months. So a year to me is amazing! Shane and I have definitely had many struggles and battles we have had to fight, but through the encouragement of each other we have placed Christ at the center of our relationship. We no longer seek to satisfy each other and we continue to grow closer to God and each other because of that! Everyday I am amazed at what a precious gift God has given me through Shane. I honestly don't know what I've done to deserve such a precious man as him. I just have to continually remind myself that it isn't what I've done per say, but it's because God loves me and He knows the deepest desires of my heart and wants to give good gifts to His children. Sending me Shane, it was like God telling me that I am still worthy of love.

Update on my spirituality:
Shew...I don't even know where to begin. I have strayed so far, but the Lord has been so faithful to me. After NUMEROUS hours of just crying out to God to revive my heart and make me new, He has been faithful to answer my cries. The Lord has heard my prayers and has answered them according to His will. I knew it wasn't going to be a "snap of the fingers" kind of change or even instant, but it has been evident. I still struggle daily with wanting to please my selfish flesh and man in general, but God has allowed me to turn to him instead of given in. I'm not living my life to please myself or even to please my parents. I'm living my life to please my one and only God. I can not praise Him enough for the transformation, joy, and encouragement.

That's all the updates I'll give for now :) I have a lot of reading and studying I need to finish up before I get ready for bed.

2011-05-19T10:56:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I wish a certain someone would quit treating me like I'm 12...sorry I grew up 8 years ago, thanks!

Hung the Moon

2010-12-31T23:18:00.000-08:00

I fell in love with this song the moment I heard it. If you haven't heard it, you should really listen to it...you won't be disappointed! :)

"Hung the Moon" Ellie Holcomb (from Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors)

I like the way you hung the moon, uh huh.
Well I just like being close to you, uh huh.
When you're gone I feel so blue, uh huh.
Yeah, I like the way you hung the moon uh huh.

I like the way you know that dance, uh huh.
I like the way you hold my hand, uh huh.
Just spin me all across the floor, uh huh.
Yeah, I like the way you know that dance, uh huh.

Well I like the way you sing your songs, uh huh.
You've been singing to me all along, uh huh.
The way you loved me won my heart, uh huh.
Yeah, I like the way you sing your songs, uh huh.

I put on that white dress for you, uh huh.
I told the preacher man well yes i do, uh huh.
I'll stay and I'll grow gray with you, uh huh.
Yeah, I put on that white dress for you, uh huh.

.....

2010-06-19T22:32:00.000-07:00

Well.......not to much to blog about....a lot of things have changed dramatically in my life lately that I can't say that I'm "happy" with. It's really hard...my new bedside friend is a box of Kleenexes and a glass of water. Even when you see things coming and expect things to come crashing down doesn't make the pain hurt less....

2010-05-31T20:31:00.000-07:00

Came across this song and felt that it fit my life perfectly right now...the NEXT conference I attended in Baltimore, Maryland this weekend made me realize how completely far off base I am. Within minutes of the worship service, God ripped my heart open and peeled my eyes back to Him. This song was the cry of my heart...

Rediscover You by Starfield

I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

I want to learn to pray
The way that David prayed
I want my soul to burn when I hear Your name
I want to feel like new
I want to hunger for you
Bring me back to life like only You can do
Cause I don't want to stay the same

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

Lord, I want to be Yours today
I want to know the passion of the saints
And how they were changed

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move

I want to burn for You
Bring me back to life, Jesus
Help me rediscover You

Please...

2010-05-11T20:02:00.000-07:00

To say that my heart hurts is an understatement.
To say that everything is going to be alright is questionable.
To say that I know the Lord is in control is true, but hard to understand.

I am usually one to be very transparent (especially on this blog), but for this....I'm refraining. All that I'm asking from you is to simply pray for me. Please.

WOW

2010-02-19T11:17:00.000-08:00

I feel the need to really brag on God.
These past couple of weeks He has really been working in my life in more ways than I can even recall at the moment.
Just last week, I had the opportunity to be involved in an open discussion in my English Literature class. We had been reading The Slave Narrative of Olaudah Equiano the previous week. This book is written of an African American slave who was a Christian and how the Sovereignty of God is evident through his tribulations. One of the male students in my class stated, "I hated this book....Every other statement was God this, and God that. There was too much God in it for me." At that moment, I just knew that was who God wanted me to speak to. I just pinpointed him right there. The following week we read Frankenstein and were discussing the religious parallels. The same male student had a presentation due that day. His presentation was about bringing the dead to life, stem cell research, and things of that nature. After he had spoke of his feelings towards these issues and spoke about his past that dealt with this things, he opened the floor for discussion. In the beginning no one was really up for a discussion so they all sat quietly. The male student then states, "I'm just waiting for some really conservative Christian to try and say something." That just made my blood boil. The girl that sat next to me and also myself immediately raised our hands at this remark. He called on her first and she stated that she did not support stem cell research because she believes that things happen due to the will of God. Next, it was my turn. I started out with saying that I agreed with her but I can also understand the intentions of stem cell research but that I do not support it. I said that the previous health issues this male student endured was because God had predestined him to go through that tribulation to make him a stronger person. I said, "you can't look at me and say that those moments of doubt and anger did not have an impact on your behavior or attitude on life, but made you more grateful and appreciative of the life you have today." He shook his head and agreed. I then proceeded to say that I believe God is the author and creator of life and that He designs us each with certain abilities and disabilities. If God had not given a down syndrome child the ability to love unconditionally and stronger than most other human beings, another person would not experience the joy that love can bring into their life. If God has not shown His grace to us by dying on a cross for your and my sins, then we would not be where we are today. My professor then stepped in and began to speak on her feelings and it was amazing because she agreed with me and even elaborated more on some things that I said. When I was in high school I would have been very hesitant to step up, speak out, and defend my beliefs. I would have sat back and let someone else take a "beating" by the words of another. BUT praise God that HE gave me the opportunity and courage to share this with my entire college Lit class.

Just this week God gave me another opportunity to share the gospel, but with a third grader at my work. The young boy was making a cross out of melt-a-beads. As I was watching on, I just simply asked, "What are you making?" He replied, "a cross." I was like well yeah duh..ha but I wanted him to elaborate more. So I then said, "Oh well that looks great bud! Can you tell me what you know about the cross?" He said that it was used to ward off evil things. I was taken back by this honestly. I'm not going to lie, I watch A Haunting on Discovery channel most days before I go into work and so I figured maybe he had seen something along those lines and how a cross is used in exercising a home and keeping it safe. I said a quick prayer asking God to give me the words to speak to him so that he would clearly understand what I was saying. I then began, "Ok...do you know anything else about it? Maybe like, who died on it?" He kind of hesitated and was like "umm...yyeaahh?....that one guy...?" This totally shocked me. I had heard stories about kids in my community who had never heard even the name of Jesus, but I was totally blind that the children I knew didn't know it! I felt so awful....about myself...that I didn't take the time sooner to speak to him and many other children about their heavenly Father. I then began to try and break down the gospel to where he would comprehend but in the end I'm not so sure that he really understood. Ever since this day it has just been on my heart to reach out to him and the other children in my group. I truly love each of these kids and want them to be able to experience the kind of love that Christ has shown to me and that is the ONLY reason why I can love them. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to talk about Christ at my job and not having the risk of losing it.
Christ is continually giving me these many opportunities, it just took me 19 years to really open my eyes and make the most of them as Christ has called us to do!

Dang...

2009-12-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

So I've come to the conclusion that I just can't succeed in math. I think I've cried more over it than well just about anything. It's not that I'm stupid and don't comprehend it--I DO! And that's what has me all upset and beat myself up over. I understand the material, I just obviously don't get it the way the teacher wants. This really ticks me off because seriously I have to sit down and look at a problem and teach myself how I get an answer. I can't just listen to a teacher say this is how you do it, because that just doesn't work for me...In the end, I get the same answer, I just have a different way of finding it. I don't get it...you'd think as long as you get the right answer and show how you came up with that answer that you would get credit--nope! Not for this dumb teacher. It just really ticks me off. I feel like I completely wasted my time with this class..I never should have stayed in it! To raise my grade to where it needs to be to apply to the School of Ed. I would basically have to get a 100%. Which is VERY unlikely with my past record on the tests....It just makes me so mad. I can't express that enough. It's like I keep trying my hardest and it gets me nowhere. Just really frustrating...But I'm not going to give up and just fail the final...I'm going to try my hardest and that will hopefully get me at least a little higher than the mid 60s. It just really aggravates me that I took all this time and effort for this class and am not going to get the required grade because now I have to waste MORE time and effort just to get the grade!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Confused..

2009-11-22T19:47:00.000-08:00

These past couple of weeks have been pretty rough for me.
I was at such a low point just a little over a week ago and it was scary.
I have never been one to consider myself really emotional, depressed, or anything of that nature and last week that is what I experienced...
I had received a very unexpected phone call from someone that I hold very near and dear to my heart and it completely caught me off guard and I had no idea how to respond. I don't quite know where I stand with this and that is what I'm so confused about....part of me wants to fix things but the other part feels like I should just drop it and move on. Lion King says it quite well: "The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." The result was sad but I hope it is for the better. I have no idea what God has in store for this part of my life but I wish only for His strength and guidance to get through it.

On a lighter note...I've actually found some time to read something that I want to read for the first time in quite a while. I was given a book quite a ways back called "Do I Know God?" by Tullian Tchividjian...now don't ask me how to pronounce his name because I have absolutely no clue! I'm really excited to be reading this book because to be honest...this is a question I have found myself asking quite a few times. Tchividjian starts out this book with a story of a friend who asks this very question. His friend had recently heard a sermon on Matthew 7 which talks about how God said there will be many who go through life thinking they know God when in reality they don't. This passage can be convicting for anyone struggling with uncertainty. God has created us all with the desire and need for Him and Him alone. This is why when we aren't in a strong relationship with Christ, we feel incomplete and uncertain. It is my hope that by reading this book it will not only enlighten me of the sin in my life which has lead to my feelings of uncertainty of truly knowing Christ but to be able to share it with others and help them to know, grow, and go in Christ.

Anyways, I'm going to keep this entry short because quite frankly I want to read and my last one was forever long :)
SO I wish all of you a wonderful and blessed, Lord Willing, week of Thanksgiving!

Transparent.

2009-11-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

To be completely honest...my life feels like it is completely up in the air right now.
Just when things start to look up for me and I finally get back on track, something always slaps me hard in the face and brings me back to reality. I feel like I take 2 steps forward then, what feels like, 10 steps back.
To start things off:
At the beginning of this semester, I really did love college. Now, don't get me wrong; I love college it is just completely different than what I had been prepared for in high school. That first Monday I was boasting about how much I loved college and that it was going to be super easy. This made me go to classes on Tuesdays with a good feelings...I felt like "I got this, no need to worry!" Well I went into public speaking and realized it was going to take a lot more work than I had originally thought...I got the hang of it quickly but was something I was not use to. My teacher did not seem very approachable and our personalities just did not mix well. Over time, things became a little easier and now I current have a B+ in public speaking and couldn't be more proud.
The biggest root of all my problems is my night class.....oh boy. If I would have known what I was getting myself into sooner, I would have just dropped the class honestly. The first couple weeks of class were pretty good. All we did was going to class, take notes, then come home and do our homework online. My grade stayed between a 96-98. Then came the first test....well let's just say I did not do very well AT ALL! Apparently, when she said "if no work is shown, no credit is given" she meant it! I was so use to showing just parts of my work instead of every single little thing, that I go no credit whatsoever on almost all of my answers. Most of all my answers were correct, it's just the not showing work totally kick my butt! That dropped my grade dramatically..like I was in tears. I had gone from passing the class with a high A to a very low F. This is totally not like me at all. I have never actually failed a class in my life so this hit me pretty hard in my gut. I decided that since that first test was actually over 2 chapters and I didn't show my work that I could at least know what to expect on my second test since it was only over one chapter. Well apparently, when you "over-complicate" a problem yet still come to the same answer, you shouldn't get any credit for it either. I'm sorry but this particular thing really irritated me. I understand the not showing work, but if you can come to the same conclusion by just using a different process you should get credit for it!!! We all have different learning styles so we aren't all going to do work like another person thinks we should. It just really ticked me off that my teacher didn't give me any credit for problems that I had gotten right, just over-complicated it. Well me being the way I am, I just shrugged it off after crying about it for awhile and decided to just press on and keep trying the hardest I can. My last test that I took I felt pretty confident about. I had learned basically everything in my pre-cal class in high school so I knew I was going to do pretty good. Well I think when I'm confident about things I don't try as hard or something?? I really don't know. It's just like over time I feel overly confident, I do horrible and when I feel like I did horrible, I actually did horrible. But I have one final chapter test that I will take on December 1 and then my final on December 10. I'm not going to lie....I'm pretty nervous about it because I have to pass this class with at least a C so that I can apply to the School of Education. I'm currently at a 64 so "my fingers are crossed." But on the up side I do have a totally awesome sister that is going to be helping me study more..which I'm sooooo thankful for. It's like a hand coming out of the darkness to pull me up. I just pray that it actually helps me and that I can raise my grade to a C!!
I'm beginning to second guess a lot of things...I really have soooo many thoughts going through my head. In the end, I just needed to vent all this out because I'm seriously about to lose my mind. I've talked with my sister Kayla about all the things going on a lot but I felt like I just needed to get this off my chest more...I know God is the one who holds my future, but I just am finding myself struggling with handing it over to Him. I want to be able to see what my future holds to go after it wholeheartedly. With the path I'm on now, I'm so confused that I can't pursue what I'm doing wholeheartedly...anyways. If anybody actually read this silly little vent I appreciate it..hope you're having a better day/week/month than I am :)

UGH!!!

2009-08-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

Once I start to become so certain of something, it never fails that I begin to doubt my "certainty" on the issue and start to change my mind! I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHOLE HEARTEDLY WHAT I'M THINKING/ DOING IS WHAT I'M SUPPOSE TO BE DOING!! I so just want to be certain and stay that way...to just lose all the doubt that I have..and to know.

God forgive me for when I fail You. I'm a sinner that You so have so loving shown Your grace. Thank You for saving me from spending an eternity away from You. Please help me to discern Your call on my life and to follow it with every ounce of my soul. Cause the doubt that I'm feeling to fade away and never to return!

Jumping In Head First..

2009-07-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

The past month or so, I've had a lot of time to sit back and think about life.

It's hard to believe that I'm actually going to be starting college this fall. It is going to be a real eye opener and that's scary. I think I'll do okay in college, but it's just the fact that I'm so use to having things basically handed to me and just being able to take it easy...not really slack off, but not try my hardest on my work for over 5 years now; getting back in the hang of doing my best on my work is going to be super hard and that's something I wish came easier. My parents have truly raised me with the best morals and views on my school work and for that I'm thankful and find comfort in because my outlook on school has always been a top priority to succeed in, so I think I'll be okay this fall....but still, growing up and stepping out into the real world of college is definitely a scary experience.

Something else I have had a lot of time to sit back and think about are the relationships I have in my life. There are a few relationships I have that probably aren't the best. I think I let people take advantage of me way to much. Everything is based on emotions. I don't think emotions are a bad thing, it's just that I hate when people react so suddenly on them. I can't say I'm innocent of never acting on emotions, because I'm guilty...right now I'm struggling with that. I just hate when I just let people say things to me and not defend myself because I don't want to risk losing a relationship. I'm horrible about doing that and wish it would stop...

Something else that's going on and that's been on my mind is that I have to make a pretty big decision in a few weeks and I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. With me, it's just that I like to know the outcome of things before I jump right in head first. In reality, it shows my sinful heart and how much I truly need Christ and to hand EVERYTHING over to Him. Why can't I trust Him in every situation instead of myself? You'd think I'd learn that since when I trust myself I fail miserably...

Changes...

2009-07-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

So I think I'm like the world's worst when it comes to changes because I can't stand it.

Some things that I also can't stand at the moment:
-sore throats
-coughing fits
-having to think things through for your future
-women who get in the fast lane slef check-out in WalMart with an overflowing cart to where you have to wait for 22 minutes just to check out 5 items right behind her!

Breathtaking...

2009-06-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

So I haven't blogged in a really long time and I need to just talk about all the marvelous things God has been doing in my life...

All throughout high school I wanted to graduate so I didn't have to see those people EVER again. It wasn't until my senior year that God truly gripped my heart so tight that made me have compassion for those I see everyday and try to make a positive impact on their life. I felt that my mission to spread the gospel in such a dark environment was such a hard task but I was ready to do whatever I had to do...until that meant I would be losing friendships. I love people...I love just being able to sit there and talk for hours about absolutely nothing. People are my passion and so when I'm able to be in their company and chat, it's awesome. When I started to see a difference in the way people were treating me because they knew I would eventually strike up a conversation about what Christ has done in my life, the people slowly started to fade away and I didn't like that. Sadly, the fix this selfish problem, I started to retreat back to my way of fixing things by trying to be the "cool" kid. I want for people to like me and not "shun" me when I walk in a room so for them to like me, I stopped talking about Christ and spreading the gospel! HOW AWFUL OF ME! At the time, things were great because I was able to make more friendships and spend the last couple weeks of high school just hanging out and laughing with "friends". Looking back, oh my goodness...I feel so stupid for letting Satan just win me over like that!!! I wasn't strong enough to turn from my own selfish and sinful desires...this is so frustrating!!! Sin is ugly..I can't stand it...I wish we all didn't sin but we do...thankfully we have a gracious, merciful, and loving Savior who will accept my repentance and wash me white as snow.

This truly didn't smack me in the face until the middle of this week...a good friend of mine received a Bible as a graduation present. (To give a little background of our friendship:
I met him freshman year and he was just this crazy fool who wanted to make new friends and I was a crazy kid who thought he was funny so I wanted to be friends. All throughout high school he always talked about how he never really believed there was a God and so we had many, and i mean MANY, conversations about life and how we came about, the word and how it is God-breathed, and so many other things...but he never quite understood or even wanted to understand. I would consider this guy my best friend...he was always the only one throughout all four years who I could count on to never let me down or judge me. I would always tell him I was praying for him and would casually bring Christ up in conversations ever now and then. Well...in the beginning of our senior year, I told him I would really like for him to come to church with me some time. He said he would eventually when he got around to it, but he just didn't feel like that was where he needed to be. This guy felt that God didn't know him and wouldn't accept him for his awful past. That broke my heart so I told him all the time that Christians don't have perfect pasts and that they come from many different backgrounds and ones similar and a lot worse than his...but he never believed me.) Well, my friend texted me at the beginning of the week and said he had read a little of his bible. It kind of took me back and I was like whattt??? And he started to tell me about a few of the books and chapters he had read. My heart felt like it was doing flips. This was such exciting news. He then asked me if he could come to church with me some time soon. I told him that I would really like if he did and so I told him Sunday would be the best day for him to go. Well after that I gave him so bible verses to look over and some books to read through like Romans and such. Well he did...I had my graduation open house/party Saturday and invited him to come. When he showed up, a lot of my church members were already there so I made it a point to point him out and mention he would be at church the next day. We then were able to sit down and talk face to face about some of the things he was thinking and reading about. I had some answers but then told him that it wasn't right persay for me to be feeding him spiritually. I told him and my dad is a very Godly and knowledgeable man and that he loves to talk about the word and Christ so he should talk to my dad some time. My friend absolutely loves me dad and greatly respects him so this was a great opportunity. Well...they struck up a conversation and it just sort of led into talking about Christ and the things he has blessed us with and dad shared the gospel with him and his testimony. HOW AWESOME!!! I just want to point out that my dad is absolutely amazing and I love him so dearly. They had a pretty long conversation and at the end my friend texted me and told me that my dad had pretty much broke him and told him exactly what he needed to hear. I was never told what was said between them and didn't expect to, I was just super excited they had talked and my dad got through to him.

Today my friend came to church and you could tell he was struggling with some thoughts and he acted very differently than normal. After the service, he joined my mom, dad and me for lunch and we were able to just talk about where he was going to go in his life and other things. When we left he told me that he really appreciated all we have done for him and that he really enjoyed church. The sermon talked a lot about missions and it was funny because just Saturday night I was talking to him about the mission trips I'd love to take and what I want to do. My friend has just a big of heart for helping people that I do so this was neat for him to hear. He asked me about what mission people do. I told him at the very core of everything they do is Jesus Christ and sharing His gospel to all the ends of the earth. My friend didn't really understand what all ministry consisted of so we had a pretty good conversation about it and I clarified a few things I guess...But anyways..he told me he really enjoyed himself and he likes this change in his life and wants to start coming to church more often :) This is such exciting news and nobody but God deserves the glory for it! PRAISE BE TO HIM!!!!!

Well...as I'm sitting here, I'll have to admit, I'm crying. But it's not a sad cry. I am truly blessed beyond measure and I'm just now starting to realize it. When I got home from VBS tonight, my dad wanted to have a little chat on the porch. We ended up talking about the conversation he had with my friend. Like I said, I had no idea what they talked about so my dad was just telling me bits and pieces. He told me that my friend credits me and greatly respects me for never giving up on him. I saw his heart, not him for who he was. He said I never gave up on him by praying for him. This warms my heart...not because I did it, but because I can see God working on this guys heart and it's truly amazing because honestly I never saw it happening...but, our God is truly an awesome God and who am I to put limitations on Him!? My dad just talked to me about how proud he was of me and for the growth I have had spiritually in my life. This was such an encouragement.
I've truly been so blessed to have a such a God-fearing father, mother, and sisters. My mom is truly an amazing Christian woman who I hope one day I am able to be like. She wakes up at 4:15 throughout the week, fixes her coffee, and sits down to start her day in the word and in prayer. How humbling!!! I love my sleep so I always sleep in till the very last second so waking up early to read my bible would be a very big strain and this is horrible! My mother is so knowledgeable and I'll admit that I really did underestimate her...she has overcome so many things and I'm so proud to call her my mother!!! I just wish I could express to her how much she truly means to me and how much I look up to her.

But, it's late and I hate to cut this short but I really have to be getting to bed because I have to work in the morning. Please pray for my friend. God is tugging on his heart...he is just trying to decide if he wants to/how to respond.

Father, I want to thank you for the transformation you have made in my heart. Thank you for your word and what an encouraging and convicting book it is. It ismy prayer that you would be with my friend and continue to work in his life and if it be your will, use me in whatever way needed and that my father will be able to invest more in his life. God, I thank you for every circumstance and situation you have placed me in and allowed me to experience and grow from...

Overload...

2009-03-30T08:30:00.000-07:00

This past week and a half I've just been somewhat of an emotional wreck. Monday night, a woman who was basically like my own grandmother passed away. She was a believer, but it still hurt to have to say for now you're gone but then again it was a blessing to know that it is not the last time I'll see her. My family and I haven't really been getting along "the best" lately because of different issues. I'm just to the point where I'm sick of it, but I'm not going to compromise where I'm at in my spiritual walk just to satisfy them and get along. I yearn for God's will in every circumstance and I'm going to follow that no matter what, even if that means disagreeing with my family. Before when I have fought with them, I just get tired of fighting so I just say "sorry" so things will smooth over....but not this time. I've tried with everything in me not to yell back, do what is asked of me, and to continue praying for them. It's like the closer I get in my relationship with Christ, the farther I get from my family. Then again, I can count this time as a blessing because satan is testing me. He knows that I've given my life completely to Christ and he doesn't want that, so he is using the most important thing to me on this Earth to try and rip me from Christ's hand. Guess what! It isn't going to work!!! Christ has given me the strength and wisdom to count this all a blessing and to follow even harder after Him.
Something else that has really been bothering me is my call to missions. It's just getting stronger and stronger. When I came home from Arizona I was just so passionate about being out there and sharing God's word with others, to love on people, and to dedicate my life to God's service. I considered going to Boyce to pursure international missions and talked to a few people about this feeling in more detail. Some laughed in my face, some encouraged me, and some just said well...is that what is really best? That hit me hard...
Well senior year has finally started winding down and I feel like I just took the safe road by going to IUS for special and elementary education. I've never wanted to be a teacher. I have a passion for kids and helping others to learn how to do things but never actually teaching. The only way I thought about teaching was if I was going to be in an orphanage teaching...but no...me trying to live my life my own way and taking the safe path that most expect me to take is being taken. It's really getting under my skin!!!!! I want so bady to be living a life pleasing to God so why do I keep having that "back up plan"!? If I say I want to wholeheartedly follow Christ then why am I ignoring His call on my life to do missions by getting a teaching degree?
I have so many thoughts rambling around in my brain, I just need to get them out.
Please pray for me and I'm struggling with these, and if you'd like to talk I'd be more than happy to :)
Have a blessed day and thanks for taking the time to read through my randomness :)

Father, I thank you for what a loving and judging God you are. I thank you for the transformation you have made in my heart and for the many trials you send my way. Allow me to remember that your ways are higher than mine and that continue to chip away my old self to become the beautiful creations you intended me to be. I ask that you be with my family and friends who are struggling with my passion for missions and just soften their hearts to the idea.

No Sacrifice

2009-03-17T15:52:00.001-07:00

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to

To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life

To you I give the gifts

Your love has given me

How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?

Because

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life

To you I give my future

As long as it may last

To you I give my present

To you I give my past

Because

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life

Speechless....

2009-02-22T12:05:00.000-08:00

So this weekend I was able to attend our winter youth retreat "Polar Expectations". It was definitely such an encouragement to just be surrounded with fellow believers and to be so completely moved in ways I haven't been in quite some time.
Friday night during our first session we watched a video by Louie Giglio, who was with Chris Tomlin on the Indescribable tour. The video in and of itself is very powerful and really hit me hard. After watching I couldn't just leave that time of worship and go hang out by the campfire and act like it didn't happen. I just wanted to fall completely on my face and worship Christ. So I did. Everyone was around the fire and I sat back then walked around a little bit to just praise God and worship in ways I haven't done in awhile.... So back to this video, it has definitely put some thing into perspective for me so I started to look up more information about it. I came across another blog that one of the people attending the tour wrote...I copied most of what he wrote about it but also added some things to it pertaining mostly to myself.

The heavens are telling the glory of God, and their expanse declares the work of His hands. Night after night they remind us of just how small we are, and how huge God is. Looking out into the far reaches of the universe, we find a seemingly infinite expanse of mystery and wonder, intricately fashioned by a God of unfathomable size and power. Just a glimpse of one of the billions of visible galaxies He has formed resizes us, shrinking us, and the world we call home, to seeming insignificance in an instant. But as tiny as we may seem, the God who knows every star by name also knows yours, and mine. And in the most stunning rescue imaginable, God sent His Son to this spinning planet we call home --the Creator reconnecting us to Him with life that never ends.

So, How Great is Our God?
M51, or the whirlpool galaxy, astronomers call it the "darling of astronomy." This shows us two things about this galaxy in the deep reaches of space:

1) Every second there are new stars being born....did you get that? EVERY SECOND A NEW STAR IS BORN!!! Millions of star incubators are found within the whirlpool galaxy.
2) Not only that, but at the center of this galaxy is a black hole which the Hubble Telescope took a picture of...and wow, check this out

The entire universe displays God's fingerprint and this is just one example...the cross of Jesus was on the mind of God even as he was creating the universe.

Every living creature has laminin inside of them...the purpose of laminin is that it basically keeps our bodies from falling apart. It holds us together as one united whole.
The laminin looks like this....
Amazing huh??? I thought so...
The cross is EVERYWHERE...it casts a shadow over the entire universe...constantly reminding us of what Jesus did for the world.

Putting that picture back in our heads, Louie continued in the universe focusing on the stars with the purpose of showing us just how small we are and how BIG God is.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made...by such a marvelous creator who knows us inside and out, God. I just can't comprehend how someone who calls themselves an unbeliever can see these things and not question. There is so much detail in everything God created....flowers (how the define gravity and suck water up from the ground), a galaxy (I don't think I even need to explain that, the pictures say enough)....and especially us (because we are made in the likeness of Him...man, what a humbling thing to remind yourself of.

Butterflies :)

2009-02-17T15:48:00.000-08:00

I have really just been in one of those blah stages here lately. Things with work are really starting to take a toll on me. I'm just at the breaking point where I just want to quit. It just isn't as enjoyable as it use to be. My kids aren't helping with that either. Yeah they have their days where they are just amazing and so much fun, but the usual is them disrespecting and talking to me like I don't matter. I'm flat out sick of it! Today I had to opportunity to fill in at my old child care site and it just made me realize how miserable I am. It was the first day I actually held a conversation with an adult, laughed with my kids, played with my kids, and didn't leave wanting to cry.
On top of all that I'm trying to apply for scholarships, which in itself is a roller-coaster ride. I fill out a very flattering application, then get word back "We regret to inform you...blah blah blah!" It just makes me so mad because I've worked so hard these last four years to maintain a very high GPA, be very involved with school, etc. I may seem selfish but I feel like I should be rewarded for that and it just aggravates me when people who already have college paid for apply for the same scholarships and win!!!! I'm like come on now, be fair!
Anyways....sorry for my ranting...I'm just really bogged down with this stuff recently and I needed to get it off my chest.
So...on the flip side, I've been doing really good with staying faithful in reading the book Martha gave me and my bible. It's awesome because I'm not just reading my bible to just say I read it, I'm reading it because I find so much more delight and encouragement in it than I can get off television, the radio, or somewhere else that's useless :)
So this is really short and choppy but that's my mind for ya ha oh and I have honestly no clue why I titled this butterflies but it was the first word that came to my head.

Just hits home....

2009-02-15T14:03:00.000-08:00

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

The ugly side

2009-02-14T09:45:00.000-08:00

Doubt is a very nasty thing.

I really don't understand why I doubt things so much. I'm not talking about doubt in the context of religion but doubting the things people say to me. I haven't really been going to bed early like I usual do here lately because I've been busy with Pre Calculus homework. Being up that late leaves me having trouble falling asleep, so what do I do? I lay around and think about things. For me thinking can be pretty deadly because when I think about things, I over analyze them. When I over analyze them, I doubt their truth. When I doubt their truth, I worry...

Talk about a mess..

2009-01-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

Man..where to even begin!?
Kentucky has definitely been hit with winter, just a tad late if you ask me. Starting on Monday night we were hit with an ice and snow storm. Thankfully school was closed but I did end up going to work that day for a few hours. I had to drive Kayla's car because mine had about an inch and a half thick sheet of ice that would not budge for nothing. Her car isn't might better than mine and so when I headed to work...it just wasn't fun at all. The roads had not been cleaned in the neighborhood so I was sliding everywhere, which was not very fun. So I got to work and had to do about 30 mph on 65 south. The parking lot was not cleaned at the school so that was interesting to pull in and out of to say the least. So made it home perfectly fine, praise the Lord, and read. I finally finished reading CrazyLove and man was it awesome! It has really encouraged me to reevaluate the way I treat people and how I act.
So...early Wednesday morning, around 2:11, our power was knocked out. All throughout the night trees in the backyard kept breaking and I was paranoid one was going to fall on our pool. The only damage we really had was that a tree limb pierced through the roof of the barn a good 4 feet into it and probably another 4 feet is hanging out...not cool. So, out power was out all day yesterday. We didn't really do much of anything except read, play cards, and yeah that's it..ha. Dad, Kayla, and I tried to shovel the driveway but by that time it was getting late and mom had come home with dinner. We had to stay the night at my aunts house because she had power and we definitely needed to heat up, especially mamaw. We woke up this morning and mamaw took us all out to Crackle Barrel and it was awesome! I've honestly never had Crackle Barrel for breakfast and it was just nice to have a home cooked meal. Once we got home our power and been restored, thank the Lord. So we were without power in my house for a good 26 hours or so.

But for something more exciting for me to write about, what God has shown me. I really take my life for granted and only serve God when I want to...I use the excuse that I'm waiting for God to call me too much. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing to follow God's call but I do think it's bad that when we are commanded to serve God and yet don't because we want Him to all us to do it. Something that has really plagued my heart is missions. I've always had a heart for missions and such a respect for people who are involved with foreign and local missions. I have never felt that I am equipped whatsoever to do missions but ever since Arizona, God has really grown my interest in it even more. It seems like everyday somebody that I talk to brings it up or I come across an article or book about a missionary. I feel that it is my duty to do what I can now to share the gospel in every situation that I am in, whether that be through my actions, my speech, the way I dress (modesty), and even in the way I handle things. All Christians are called to do that and I have slacked off for too long!!! I'm sick of that and I'm ready to change!
Something I'm also realizing that is wrong: praying for my safety. I pray for my safety when I leave to go somewhere just so that I can have more time on earth...and not to serve God longer, but to be able to do the things I want to be doing!!! I had convinced myself that it was okay that I was doing this because I would always say, "Father, if it be Your will". I was doing that the other morning when I was leaving for work and it was just like God reached down and slapped me in the face!! How dare I to basically ask God to reconsider His will for my life. Would I really be angry with God if He has predestined my life for me to be paralyzed or have some other injuries from a car accident?! It would all because He didn't give me safety on that ride to wherever! It just disgusts me to think of how I really do question God's sovereignty with the things I do in my life. I look past the little things to much and I'm over it!

Father, I ask that you consume me...allow me to be the light in the darkness Father, and salt in a wound to those who need you! I want to follow you and only you. I'm tired of serving you only when it fits in to my schedule. I'm ready to serve you here, now and anywhere You lead me to. Help me to make the most of every opportunity and not to take this life for granted. I ask that you would make me not so selfish and to be more humble. Point out the things in my life that cause me to stumble. Allow me to have a quite heart and to watch my temper. Thank you for your grace and for the work you have done in my life, Father...

Oh boy!

2009-01-26T15:43:00.000-08:00

All I have to say is that God is awesome.

Father, I just want to thank you for your grace and your judgment. I thank you for the change you have made in my life and the changes you are continuing to make in me daily. I ask that you would allow me to continue to look to you for wisdom and direction for my life. I also ask that you would let me continue to yearn for you, God. I want to be filled with you and to be made into the image of you, Father. Thank you for the struggles and opportunities you place me in each day. If it be your will, I ask that you would continue to send me the struggles and opportunities and that only you would receive the glory.

Hip-Hip-Hooray!!!!

2009-01-25T17:22:00.000-08:00

Wes and Martha Kimble have been officially and unanimously voted to be our youth ministers. I count it such a blessing to have been able to spend the time with them that the Lord has allowed. They are just an awesome couple to just hang out with and talk to. You can tell just from the way they talk that they truly do love God and want the youth to be that passionate and in love with Christ.

I truly believe that God is going to use them at Bullitt Lick to do mighty things for His kingdom. They have been such an encouragement to me and I know they will be for the other youth. Their passion for youth is so evident and I'm soooo excited to call Wes my youth pastor and Martha the youth pastors wife that I'm continuing to grow close to.

Now, Martha has definitely made an impact on my life. Being able to just spend those times just talking and learning more about each other have been so awesome. I am so thankful that God has led her into my life because she truly is such a blessing to me.

I look forward to continuing the fellowship that God has so graciously allowed us to spend together thus far.

Father, I pray that you would use Wes and Martha for Your Will and Yours alone. I thank you for the encouragement that they have been to me and to others. I pray that you would be the soul focus of the youth ministry and the direction that is will go in and the focus of all our lives.

Grounded...

2009-01-25T05:40:00.001-08:00

Yep, that's right. I'm grounded.

Friday night I went to a bonfire at our new possible youth ministers house. I had a blast. It was so nice just getting together to fellowship and worship our wonderful and awesome creator. Well time passed fast and it got to be about 10ish? and Martha, Cathy, and I decided to start cleaning things up. After we were finished with this I planned on leaving but we started to talk and laugh. Around 11 the Travis's left and I only planned to stay for another hour. Martha, Wes, Josh, Kyle, and I sat in the living room just talking about different things. It is so nice just getting to have opportunities like that because I never have them, honestly. Well time began to pass even more quickly and by the time I looked at my phone it was 1 something. I felt just my stomach drop because I knew even at this time I would probably get yelled at but then I rethought it because I didn't think my parents would really care because I was at someones house from the church...boy was I wrong. Well after that we started to share our testimonies. Man that was awesome if I do say so myself. It is so awesome to hear how God has worked in peoples lives. When we were finished it was about 2 in the morning and I was like okay I definitely need to be going!! Sooo long story short I ended up getting home around 2:20ish and my dad was waiting for me at the door.

Saturday morning just was not the greatest. Mom told me I was grounded and that I wouldn't be able to do anything for a week. That stunk because that afternoon I had already made plans to go bowling.

BUT hey, to wrap it all up... I know what I did was wrong and that I should have been responsible and called. This whole situation goes to show that I don't truly honor my parents like I'm suppose to. I fail miserably at that.

I'm just thankful to have such a forgiving family. Today I was able to talk to mom about the whole situation and just tell her where I was coming from...but I see more where she is coming from now and know what my responsibilities are even though I am 18 years old

Father, forgive me for claiming to love You when the way I live my life shows no example of it. I ask that you would allow me to truly honor my parents the way you call me to. Allow me to not act so much on the current situations and to think before I speak.

Shoo...

2009-01-20T16:29:00.000-08:00

I'm starting to read this book called Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God and I must admit that even only a chapter into it, I can tell it's going to really be challenging. Just pages into the book it tells you to stop reading and to go check out the corresponding videos on the website. The first video is very humbling. After watching it I just found myself praising God. I fell completely on my face and just worshiped God for His creation. I was in complete admiration of my Lord and Savior, my creator. It is completely humbling to think about how big God is and how He created around 350,000,000,000 galaxies but yet I think I'm just the next big thing. I really do take my salvation for granted. I think just because I have accepted Christ in my heart, I'm good to go. In reality, that is nothing without a relationship with God. God calls me His bride and if my life is not showing that I really know Him, I would obey His commands. I can't just walk away and go about my life without first acknowledging His goodness and His creation all around me. It isn't because of anything I have done that allows me to wake up in the morning. That's something I truly just don't even really think about. I have to constantly remind myself that even this next moment of my life is not guaranteed. Thankfully the Lord has blessed me with an amazing church family that has really encouraged me in this area of my life and I can say things such as "Lord willing, I will talk to you soon." or "Lord willing I will see you later." and actually believe it in my heart. I have to remind myself every moment that not a day should go by, not a moment should pass, that my heart and mind and mouth are not occupied with the wonder of God's salvation.

It is my prayer that with just a day into my 18th year of life that God uses me to glorify His name in the lives of everyone I encounter. I yearn for my school to proclaim His name and even my city. I don't want just a community that calls out to God when they are having troubles. God is the almighty creator of everything that we see around us. How can we only trust in Him when things get rough. So many of us, including myself, fall so far when we cling to God only when we need Him but put Him on the back burner when our friends are around or when things are looking good for us. The awesome thing about God is that He is always there! What an encouragement to know!

Father, I pray that you would mold me into the image of you. I ask that you would make me disgusted at the sin in my life. God, I just ask that you would use me for your purpose and yours alone.

Revealed

2009-01-19T14:42:00.001-08:00

God has shown me so much these past few months. He has shown me not only the areas in my life that I struggle with, but also the areas that I'm strong in.

He has blessed me with a passion for children and working well with them. I always knew that I would work with them but didn't know how. As I was looking at different colleges and majors, I considered a lot of different options: physical therapy, elementary education, special education, school psychologist, and many others. I have finally come to a conclusion of what I want to do with my life. Within this past week I have felt that God is truly calling me into special education. I have applied to Indiana University Southeast and awaiting my letter back. It would be an answered prayer that I would be accepted and would double major in elementary education and special education. Most people thought I would going to be doing physical therapy, shoo I did for the longest while, but God has really given me the desire and passion to work with special needs children.

One of my weaknesses would be that I don't open myself up enough to God and His will for my life. My entire life I have taken the advice of the people around me instead of seeking God first and searching His Word. I was always so paranoid about failure that I tend to rely on myself instead of God. I think that success comes from me and my good deeds. This is so wrong of me...if I claim to believe that God is sovereign and is in control of everything, yet don't go to Him in prayer and meditation in His word then obviously I don't truly believe it. God has numbered my days, just like he has numbered the hairs on my head and the stars in the sky. When I become paranoid I truly do doubt the sovereignty of God because I don't believe He is capable of controlling my life like I am. In reality, I'm not even close to being capable of controlling my life in the least bit. Thankfully God's precious saving grace has saved me and His spirit has filled my soul. I am positive that he has laid out my life and the events that will occur in it. I need to continually be open to His will.

Father, I want you to be glorified in me. I want my whole life to be dedicated to you. I want you and your will for my life above everything. Send hardships my way, God, if that would make me cling to you more.