It has been quite some time since I have actually taken time out to write a blog entry, but it's definitely time. Having the ability to look back over numerous entries I've written over the past few years has truly allowed me to see how faithful God has been in my life and how unworthy I am to call Him my Savior, my God, my Father!
I don't even know where to begin! My life has changed so much over these last few years. So much I am ashamed of. So much I am proud of. So much has happened.
I'll start with school. Being in my third year of college, the demands have definitely increased. I am expected to get 120 observation hours: 90 Special Ed hours of observation and 30 hours of general ed observations. Sounds easy right? Not so much. These observations aren't just sit and observe. I'm involved. I am actually teaching and preparing lessons. It's like I'm student teaching, but not as demanding. It's a lot more difficult then you would think. Especially for me and my ADHD. Simple tasks take me so much longer. I'm not complaining because I am so grateful for the opportunities and especially grateful for all the praise I get in my teaching, but it definitely wears me out.
Work Update:
I'm currently unemployed. I had to quit the YMCA this semester because school became way too demanding. This was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. Anyone who knows me, knows that those kids were my life. I loved them all and it was the hardest thing to leave them while they were giving me huge hugs and cards of goodbyes as I walked out the door.
I do however babysit two days a week for my old high school choir teacher. This is definitely a high light of my week and I love babysitting her! :) I always tell people I'm more like a nanny than a babysitter with how much I do haha
I also started coaching cheerleading again. After cheering for 10 years and coaching for 1, I was easily sucked back in. I'll admit, I miss cheering. I don't miss the ungrateful attitude it gave me, but I miss the interaction, exercise, and the competitiveness of the sport. I definitely love the coaching atmosphere and my girls and one boy are awesome, but I would still love if I was still cheering. I still struggle with wondering how different my life would have been if I never quit and continued on with my dream of cheering at UK.
An update on my "dating" life:
I was in a relationship with someone off and on for four years. Everyone who has been involved in my life knows the situation and I'm not going to go into detail. After the relationship ended, I beat myself up over it for the longest time. I was left feeling ashamed of how I treated the man who gave me his whole heart and I only gave him a piece of mine. I no longer felt that I deserved to be loved by someone again. After feeling ashamed, I went into the anger stage. I began to analyze our relationship and convinced myself that he deserved to be treated the way I treated him. This man wasn't worthy of my love. One day, God slammed me in the face and I realized just how ungrateful of a person I had become. I began to refocus my life on Christ and was not willing to let just anyone win such a precious gift in God's eyes. After several months, God sent me a very special person. Through a mutual friend, a seed had been planted about a guy from Campbellsville who played ball who would be a "perfect match for me" or so I hear. After many months of persuasion, I was eager to meet this "great" guy. From the first moment I heard his voice, I knew. This was a very special guy indeed. I've written letters to my unknown future husband for a number of years now and I recall the night after I got off the phone with him. I wrote my future husband a letter that said: "I found you! I finally found you!"
I will be with Shane for a year this December and I have to admit that I am truly humbled by that fact. I typically have a very hard time staying attracted or even simply interested in a guy for over two months. So a year to me is amazing! Shane and I have definitely had many struggles and battles we have had to fight, but through the encouragement of each other we have placed Christ at the center of our relationship. We no longer seek to satisfy each other and we continue to grow closer to God and each other because of that! Everyday I am amazed at what a precious gift God has given me through Shane. I honestly don't know what I've done to deserve such a precious man as him. I just have to continually remind myself that it isn't what I've done per say, but it's because God loves me and He knows the deepest desires of my heart and wants to give good gifts to His children. Sending me Shane, it was like God telling me that I am still worthy of love.
Update on my spirituality:
Shew...I don't even know where to begin. I have strayed so far, but the Lord has been so faithful to me. After NUMEROUS hours of just crying out to God to revive my heart and make me new, He has been faithful to answer my cries. The Lord has heard my prayers and has answered them according to His will. I knew it wasn't going to be a "snap of the fingers" kind of change or even instant, but it has been evident. I still struggle daily with wanting to please my selfish flesh and man in general, but God has allowed me to turn to him instead of given in. I'm not living my life to please myself or even to please my parents. I'm living my life to please my one and only God. I can not praise Him enough for the transformation, joy, and encouragement.
That's all the updates I'll give for now :) I have a lot of reading and studying I need to finish up before I get ready for bed.
