I feel the need to really brag on God.
These past couple of weeks He has really been working in my life in more ways than I can even recall at the moment.
Just last week, I had the opportunity to be involved in an open discussion in my English Literature class. We had been reading The Slave Narrative of Olaudah Equiano the previous week. This book is written of an African American slave who was a Christian and how the Sovereignty of God is evident through his tribulations. One of the male students in my class stated, "I hated this book....Every other statement was God this, and God that. There was too much God in it for me." At that moment, I just knew that was who God wanted me to speak to. I just pinpointed him right there. The following week we read Frankenstein and were discussing the religious parallels. The same male student had a presentation due that day. His presentation was about bringing the dead to life, stem cell research, and things of that nature. After he had spoke of his feelings towards these issues and spoke about his past that dealt with this things, he opened the floor for discussion. In the beginning no one was really up for a discussion so they all sat quietly. The male student then states, "I'm just waiting for some really conservative Christian to try and say something." That just made my blood boil. The girl that sat next to me and also myself immediately raised our hands at this remark. He called on her first and she stated that she did not support stem cell research because she believes that things happen due to the will of God. Next, it was my turn. I started out with saying that I agreed with her but I can also understand the intentions of stem cell research but that I do not support it. I said that the previous health issues this male student endured was because God had predestined him to go through that tribulation to make him a stronger person. I said, "you can't look at me and say that those moments of doubt and anger did not have an impact on your behavior or attitude on life, but made you more grateful and appreciative of the life you have today." He shook his head and agreed. I then proceeded to say that I believe God is the author and creator of life and that He designs us each with certain abilities and disabilities. If God had not given a down syndrome child the ability to love unconditionally and stronger than most other human beings, another person would not experience the joy that love can bring into their life. If God has not shown His grace to us by dying on a cross for your and my sins, then we would not be where we are today. My professor then stepped in and began to speak on her feelings and it was amazing because she agreed with me and even elaborated more on some things that I said. When I was in high school I would have been very hesitant to step up, speak out, and defend my beliefs. I would have sat back and let someone else take a "beating" by the words of another. BUT praise God that HE gave me the opportunity and courage to share this with my entire college Lit class.
Just this week God gave me another opportunity to share the gospel, but with a third grader at my work. The young boy was making a cross out of melt-a-beads. As I was watching on, I just simply asked, "What are you making?" He replied, "a cross." I was like well yeah duh..ha but I wanted him to elaborate more. So I then said, "Oh well that looks great bud! Can you tell me what you know about the cross?" He said that it was used to ward off evil things. I was taken back by this honestly. I'm not going to lie, I watch A Haunting on Discovery channel most days before I go into work and so I figured maybe he had seen something along those lines and how a cross is used in exercising a home and keeping it safe. I said a quick prayer asking God to give me the words to speak to him so that he would clearly understand what I was saying. I then began, "Ok...do you know anything else about it? Maybe like, who died on it?" He kind of hesitated and was like "umm...yyeaahh?....that one guy...?" This totally shocked me. I had heard stories about kids in my community who had never heard even the name of Jesus, but I was totally blind that the children I knew didn't know it! I felt so awful....about myself...that I didn't take the time sooner to speak to him and many other children about their heavenly Father. I then began to try and break down the gospel to where he would comprehend but in the end I'm not so sure that he really understood. Ever since this day it has just been on my heart to reach out to him and the other children in my group. I truly love each of these kids and want them to be able to experience the kind of love that Christ has shown to me and that is the ONLY reason why I can love them. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to talk about Christ at my job and not having the risk of losing it.
Christ is continually giving me these many opportunities, it just took me 19 years to really open my eyes and make the most of them as Christ has called us to do!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Dang...
So I've come to the conclusion that I just can't succeed in math. I think I've cried more over it than well just about anything. It's not that I'm stupid and don't comprehend it--I DO! And that's what has me all upset and beat myself up over. I understand the material, I just obviously don't get it the way the teacher wants. This really ticks me off because seriously I have to sit down and look at a problem and teach myself how I get an answer. I can't just listen to a teacher say this is how you do it, because that just doesn't work for me...In the end, I get the same answer, I just have a different way of finding it. I don't get it...you'd think as long as you get the right answer and show how you came up with that answer that you would get credit--nope! Not for this dumb teacher. It just really ticks me off. I feel like I completely wasted my time with this class..I never should have stayed in it! To raise my grade to where it needs to be to apply to the School of Ed. I would basically have to get a 100%. Which is VERY unlikely with my past record on the tests....It just makes me so mad. I can't express that enough. It's like I keep trying my hardest and it gets me nowhere. Just really frustrating...But I'm not going to give up and just fail the final...I'm going to try my hardest and that will hopefully get me at least a little higher than the mid 60s. It just really aggravates me that I took all this time and effort for this class and am not going to get the required grade because now I have to waste MORE time and effort just to get the grade!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Confused..
These past couple of weeks have been pretty rough for me.
I was at such a low point just a little over a week ago and it was scary.
I have never been one to consider myself really emotional, depressed, or anything of that nature and last week that is what I experienced...
I had received a very unexpected phone call from someone that I hold very near and dear to my heart and it completely caught me off guard and I had no idea how to respond. I don't quite know where I stand with this and that is what I'm so confused about....part of me wants to fix things but the other part feels like I should just drop it and move on. Lion King says it quite well: "The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." The result was sad but I hope it is for the better. I have no idea what God has in store for this part of my life but I wish only for His strength and guidance to get through it.
On a lighter note...I've actually found some time to read something that I want to read for the first time in quite a while. I was given a book quite a ways back called "Do I Know God?" by Tullian Tchividjian...now don't ask me how to pronounce his name because I have absolutely no clue! I'm really excited to be reading this book because to be honest...this is a question I have found myself asking quite a few times. Tchividjian starts out this book with a story of a friend who asks this very question. His friend had recently heard a sermon on Matthew 7 which talks about how God said there will be many who go through life thinking they know God when in reality they don't. This passage can be convicting for anyone struggling with uncertainty. God has created us all with the desire and need for Him and Him alone. This is why when we aren't in a strong relationship with Christ, we feel incomplete and uncertain. It is my hope that by reading this book it will not only enlighten me of the sin in my life which has lead to my feelings of uncertainty of truly knowing Christ but to be able to share it with others and help them to know, grow, and go in Christ.
Anyways, I'm going to keep this entry short because quite frankly I want to read and my last one was forever long :)
SO I wish all of you a wonderful and blessed, Lord Willing, week of Thanksgiving!
I was at such a low point just a little over a week ago and it was scary.
I have never been one to consider myself really emotional, depressed, or anything of that nature and last week that is what I experienced...
I had received a very unexpected phone call from someone that I hold very near and dear to my heart and it completely caught me off guard and I had no idea how to respond. I don't quite know where I stand with this and that is what I'm so confused about....part of me wants to fix things but the other part feels like I should just drop it and move on. Lion King says it quite well: "The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it." The result was sad but I hope it is for the better. I have no idea what God has in store for this part of my life but I wish only for His strength and guidance to get through it.
On a lighter note...I've actually found some time to read something that I want to read for the first time in quite a while. I was given a book quite a ways back called "Do I Know God?" by Tullian Tchividjian...now don't ask me how to pronounce his name because I have absolutely no clue! I'm really excited to be reading this book because to be honest...this is a question I have found myself asking quite a few times. Tchividjian starts out this book with a story of a friend who asks this very question. His friend had recently heard a sermon on Matthew 7 which talks about how God said there will be many who go through life thinking they know God when in reality they don't. This passage can be convicting for anyone struggling with uncertainty. God has created us all with the desire and need for Him and Him alone. This is why when we aren't in a strong relationship with Christ, we feel incomplete and uncertain. It is my hope that by reading this book it will not only enlighten me of the sin in my life which has lead to my feelings of uncertainty of truly knowing Christ but to be able to share it with others and help them to know, grow, and go in Christ.
Anyways, I'm going to keep this entry short because quite frankly I want to read and my last one was forever long :)
SO I wish all of you a wonderful and blessed, Lord Willing, week of Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Transparent.
To be completely honest...my life feels like it is completely up in the air right now.
Just when things start to look up for me and I finally get back on track, something always slaps me hard in the face and brings me back to reality. I feel like I take 2 steps forward then, what feels like, 10 steps back.
To start things off:
At the beginning of this semester, I really did love college. Now, don't get me wrong; I love college it is just completely different than what I had been prepared for in high school. That first Monday I was boasting about how much I loved college and that it was going to be super easy. This made me go to classes on Tuesdays with a good feelings...I felt like "I got this, no need to worry!" Well I went into public speaking and realized it was going to take a lot more work than I had originally thought...I got the hang of it quickly but was something I was not use to. My teacher did not seem very approachable and our personalities just did not mix well. Over time, things became a little easier and now I current have a B+ in public speaking and couldn't be more proud.
The biggest root of all my problems is my night class.....oh boy. If I would have known what I was getting myself into sooner, I would have just dropped the class honestly. The first couple weeks of class were pretty good. All we did was going to class, take notes, then come home and do our homework online. My grade stayed between a 96-98. Then came the first test....well let's just say I did not do very well AT ALL! Apparently, when she said "if no work is shown, no credit is given" she meant it! I was so use to showing just parts of my work instead of every single little thing, that I go no credit whatsoever on almost all of my answers. Most of all my answers were correct, it's just the not showing work totally kick my butt! That dropped my grade dramatically..like I was in tears. I had gone from passing the class with a high A to a very low F. This is totally not like me at all. I have never actually failed a class in my life so this hit me pretty hard in my gut. I decided that since that first test was actually over 2 chapters and I didn't show my work that I could at least know what to expect on my second test since it was only over one chapter. Well apparently, when you "over-complicate" a problem yet still come to the same answer, you shouldn't get any credit for it either. I'm sorry but this particular thing really irritated me. I understand the not showing work, but if you can come to the same conclusion by just using a different process you should get credit for it!!! We all have different learning styles so we aren't all going to do work like another person thinks we should. It just really ticked me off that my teacher didn't give me any credit for problems that I had gotten right, just over-complicated it. Well me being the way I am, I just shrugged it off after crying about it for awhile and decided to just press on and keep trying the hardest I can. My last test that I took I felt pretty confident about. I had learned basically everything in my pre-cal class in high school so I knew I was going to do pretty good. Well I think when I'm confident about things I don't try as hard or something?? I really don't know. It's just like over time I feel overly confident, I do horrible and when I feel like I did horrible, I actually did horrible. But I have one final chapter test that I will take on December 1 and then my final on December 10. I'm not going to lie....I'm pretty nervous about it because I have to pass this class with at least a C so that I can apply to the School of Education. I'm currently at a 64 so "my fingers are crossed." But on the up side I do have a totally awesome sister that is going to be helping me study more..which I'm sooooo thankful for. It's like a hand coming out of the darkness to pull me up. I just pray that it actually helps me and that I can raise my grade to a C!!
I'm beginning to second guess a lot of things...I really have soooo many thoughts going through my head. In the end, I just needed to vent all this out because I'm seriously about to lose my mind. I've talked with my sister Kayla about all the things going on a lot but I felt like I just needed to get this off my chest more...I know God is the one who holds my future, but I just am finding myself struggling with handing it over to Him. I want to be able to see what my future holds to go after it wholeheartedly. With the path I'm on now, I'm so confused that I can't pursue what I'm doing wholeheartedly...anyways. If anybody actually read this silly little vent I appreciate it..hope you're having a better day/week/month than I am :)
Just when things start to look up for me and I finally get back on track, something always slaps me hard in the face and brings me back to reality. I feel like I take 2 steps forward then, what feels like, 10 steps back.
To start things off:
At the beginning of this semester, I really did love college. Now, don't get me wrong; I love college it is just completely different than what I had been prepared for in high school. That first Monday I was boasting about how much I loved college and that it was going to be super easy. This made me go to classes on Tuesdays with a good feelings...I felt like "I got this, no need to worry!" Well I went into public speaking and realized it was going to take a lot more work than I had originally thought...I got the hang of it quickly but was something I was not use to. My teacher did not seem very approachable and our personalities just did not mix well. Over time, things became a little easier and now I current have a B+ in public speaking and couldn't be more proud.
The biggest root of all my problems is my night class.....oh boy. If I would have known what I was getting myself into sooner, I would have just dropped the class honestly. The first couple weeks of class were pretty good. All we did was going to class, take notes, then come home and do our homework online. My grade stayed between a 96-98. Then came the first test....well let's just say I did not do very well AT ALL! Apparently, when she said "if no work is shown, no credit is given" she meant it! I was so use to showing just parts of my work instead of every single little thing, that I go no credit whatsoever on almost all of my answers. Most of all my answers were correct, it's just the not showing work totally kick my butt! That dropped my grade dramatically..like I was in tears. I had gone from passing the class with a high A to a very low F. This is totally not like me at all. I have never actually failed a class in my life so this hit me pretty hard in my gut. I decided that since that first test was actually over 2 chapters and I didn't show my work that I could at least know what to expect on my second test since it was only over one chapter. Well apparently, when you "over-complicate" a problem yet still come to the same answer, you shouldn't get any credit for it either. I'm sorry but this particular thing really irritated me. I understand the not showing work, but if you can come to the same conclusion by just using a different process you should get credit for it!!! We all have different learning styles so we aren't all going to do work like another person thinks we should. It just really ticked me off that my teacher didn't give me any credit for problems that I had gotten right, just over-complicated it. Well me being the way I am, I just shrugged it off after crying about it for awhile and decided to just press on and keep trying the hardest I can. My last test that I took I felt pretty confident about. I had learned basically everything in my pre-cal class in high school so I knew I was going to do pretty good. Well I think when I'm confident about things I don't try as hard or something?? I really don't know. It's just like over time I feel overly confident, I do horrible and when I feel like I did horrible, I actually did horrible. But I have one final chapter test that I will take on December 1 and then my final on December 10. I'm not going to lie....I'm pretty nervous about it because I have to pass this class with at least a C so that I can apply to the School of Education. I'm currently at a 64 so "my fingers are crossed." But on the up side I do have a totally awesome sister that is going to be helping me study more..which I'm sooooo thankful for. It's like a hand coming out of the darkness to pull me up. I just pray that it actually helps me and that I can raise my grade to a C!!
I'm beginning to second guess a lot of things...I really have soooo many thoughts going through my head. In the end, I just needed to vent all this out because I'm seriously about to lose my mind. I've talked with my sister Kayla about all the things going on a lot but I felt like I just needed to get this off my chest more...I know God is the one who holds my future, but I just am finding myself struggling with handing it over to Him. I want to be able to see what my future holds to go after it wholeheartedly. With the path I'm on now, I'm so confused that I can't pursue what I'm doing wholeheartedly...anyways. If anybody actually read this silly little vent I appreciate it..hope you're having a better day/week/month than I am :)
Sunday, August 2, 2009
UGH!!!
Once I start to become so certain of something, it never fails that I begin to doubt my "certainty" on the issue and start to change my mind! I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHOLE HEARTEDLY WHAT I'M THINKING/ DOING IS WHAT I'M SUPPOSE TO BE DOING!! I so just want to be certain and stay that way...to just lose all the doubt that I have..and to know.
God forgive me for when I fail You. I'm a sinner that You so have so loving shown Your grace. Thank You for saving me from spending an eternity away from You. Please help me to discern Your call on my life and to follow it with every ounce of my soul. Cause the doubt that I'm feeling to fade away and never to return!
God forgive me for when I fail You. I'm a sinner that You so have so loving shown Your grace. Thank You for saving me from spending an eternity away from You. Please help me to discern Your call on my life and to follow it with every ounce of my soul. Cause the doubt that I'm feeling to fade away and never to return!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Jumping In Head First..
The past month or so, I've had a lot of time to sit back and think about life.
It's hard to believe that I'm actually going to be starting college this fall. It is going to be a real eye opener and that's scary. I think I'll do okay in college, but it's just the fact that I'm so use to having things basically handed to me and just being able to take it easy...not really slack off, but not try my hardest on my work for over 5 years now; getting back in the hang of doing my best on my work is going to be super hard and that's something I wish came easier. My parents have truly raised me with the best morals and views on my school work and for that I'm thankful and find comfort in because my outlook on school has always been a top priority to succeed in, so I think I'll be okay this fall....but still, growing up and stepping out into the real world of college is definitely a scary experience.
Something else I have had a lot of time to sit back and think about are the relationships I have in my life. There are a few relationships I have that probably aren't the best. I think I let people take advantage of me way to much. Everything is based on emotions. I don't think emotions are a bad thing, it's just that I hate when people react so suddenly on them. I can't say I'm innocent of never acting on emotions, because I'm guilty...right now I'm struggling with that. I just hate when I just let people say things to me and not defend myself because I don't want to risk losing a relationship. I'm horrible about doing that and wish it would stop...
Something else that's going on and that's been on my mind is that I have to make a pretty big decision in a few weeks and I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. With me, it's just that I like to know the outcome of things before I jump right in head first. In reality, it shows my sinful heart and how much I truly need Christ and to hand EVERYTHING over to Him. Why can't I trust Him in every situation instead of myself? You'd think I'd learn that since when I trust myself I fail miserably...
It's hard to believe that I'm actually going to be starting college this fall. It is going to be a real eye opener and that's scary. I think I'll do okay in college, but it's just the fact that I'm so use to having things basically handed to me and just being able to take it easy...not really slack off, but not try my hardest on my work for over 5 years now; getting back in the hang of doing my best on my work is going to be super hard and that's something I wish came easier. My parents have truly raised me with the best morals and views on my school work and for that I'm thankful and find comfort in because my outlook on school has always been a top priority to succeed in, so I think I'll be okay this fall....but still, growing up and stepping out into the real world of college is definitely a scary experience.
Something else I have had a lot of time to sit back and think about are the relationships I have in my life. There are a few relationships I have that probably aren't the best. I think I let people take advantage of me way to much. Everything is based on emotions. I don't think emotions are a bad thing, it's just that I hate when people react so suddenly on them. I can't say I'm innocent of never acting on emotions, because I'm guilty...right now I'm struggling with that. I just hate when I just let people say things to me and not defend myself because I don't want to risk losing a relationship. I'm horrible about doing that and wish it would stop...
Something else that's going on and that's been on my mind is that I have to make a pretty big decision in a few weeks and I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. With me, it's just that I like to know the outcome of things before I jump right in head first. In reality, it shows my sinful heart and how much I truly need Christ and to hand EVERYTHING over to Him. Why can't I trust Him in every situation instead of myself? You'd think I'd learn that since when I trust myself I fail miserably...
Friday, July 3, 2009
Changes...
So I think I'm like the world's worst when it comes to changes because I can't stand it.
Some things that I also can't stand at the moment:
-sore throats
-coughing fits
-having to think things through for your future
-women who get in the fast lane slef check-out in WalMart with an overflowing cart to where you have to wait for 22 minutes just to check out 5 items right behind her!
Some things that I also can't stand at the moment:
-sore throats
-coughing fits
-having to think things through for your future
-women who get in the fast lane slef check-out in WalMart with an overflowing cart to where you have to wait for 22 minutes just to check out 5 items right behind her!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)