Speechless....

So this weekend I was able to attend our winter youth retreat "Polar Expectations". It was definitely such an encouragement to just be surrounded with fellow believers and to be so completely moved in ways I haven't been in quite some time.
Friday night during our first session we watched a video by Louie Giglio, who was with Chris Tomlin on the Indescribable tour. The video in and of itself is very powerful and really hit me hard. After watching I couldn't just leave that time of worship and go hang out by the campfire and act like it didn't happen. I just wanted to fall completely on my face and worship Christ. So I did. Everyone was around the fire and I sat back then walked around a little bit to just praise God and worship in ways I haven't done in awhile.... So back to this video, it has definitely put some thing into perspective for me so I started to look up more information about it. I came across another blog that one of the people attending the tour wrote...I copied most of what he wrote about it but also added some things to it pertaining mostly to myself.

The heavens are telling the glory of God, and their expanse declares the work of His hands. Night after night they remind us of just how small we are, and how huge God is. Looking out into the far reaches of the universe, we find a seemingly infinite expanse of mystery and wonder, intricately fashioned by a God of unfathomable size and power. Just a glimpse of one of the billions of visible galaxies He has formed resizes us, shrinking us, and the world we call home, to seeming insignificance in an instant. But as tiny as we may seem, the God who knows every star by name also knows yours, and mine. And in the most stunning rescue imaginable, God sent His Son to this spinning planet we call home --the Creator reconnecting us to Him with life that never ends.

So, How Great is Our God?
M51, or the whirlpool galaxy, astronomers call it the "darling of astronomy." This shows us two things about this galaxy in the deep reaches of space:

1) Every second there are new stars being born....did you get that? EVERY SECOND A NEW STAR IS BORN!!! Millions of star incubators are found within the whirlpool galaxy.
2) Not only that, but at the center of this galaxy is a black hole which the Hubble Telescope took a picture of...and wow, check this out

The entire universe displays God's fingerprint and this is just one example...the cross of Jesus was on the mind of God even as he was creating the universe.


Every living creature has laminin inside of them...the purpose of laminin is that it basically keeps our bodies from falling apart. It holds us together as one united whole.
The laminin looks like this....
Amazing huh??? I thought so...
The cross is EVERYWHERE...it casts a shadow over the entire universe...constantly reminding us of what Jesus did for the world.

Putting that picture back in our heads, Louie continued in the universe focusing on the stars with the purpose of showing us just how small we are and how BIG God is.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made...by such a marvelous creator who knows us inside and out, God. I just can't comprehend how someone who calls themselves an unbeliever can see these things and not question. There is so much detail in everything God created....flowers (how the define gravity and suck water up from the ground), a galaxy (I don't think I even need to explain that, the pictures say enough)....and especially us (because we are made in the likeness of Him...man, what a humbling thing to remind yourself of.

Butterflies :)

I have really just been in one of those blah stages here lately. Things with work are really starting to take a toll on me. I'm just at the breaking point where I just want to quit. It just isn't as enjoyable as it use to be. My kids aren't helping with that either. Yeah they have their days where they are just amazing and so much fun, but the usual is them disrespecting and talking to me like I don't matter. I'm flat out sick of it! Today I had to opportunity to fill in at my old child care site and it just made me realize how miserable I am. It was the first day I actually held a conversation with an adult, laughed with my kids, played with my kids, and didn't leave wanting to cry.
On top of all that I'm trying to apply for scholarships, which in itself is a roller-coaster ride. I fill out a very flattering application, then get word back "We regret to inform you...blah blah blah!" It just makes me so mad because I've worked so hard these last four years to maintain a very high GPA, be very involved with school, etc. I may seem selfish but I feel like I should be rewarded for that and it just aggravates me when people who already have college paid for apply for the same scholarships and win!!!! I'm like come on now, be fair!
Anyways....sorry for my ranting...I'm just really bogged down with this stuff recently and I needed to get it off my chest.
So...on the flip side, I've been doing really good with staying faithful in reading the book Martha gave me and my bible. It's awesome because I'm not just reading my bible to just say I read it, I'm reading it because I find so much more delight and encouragement in it than I can get off television, the radio, or somewhere else that's useless :)
So this is really short and choppy but that's my mind for ya ha oh and I have honestly no clue why I titled this butterflies but it was the first word that came to my head.

Just hits home....

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

The ugly side

Doubt is a very nasty thing.

I really don't understand why I doubt things so much. I'm not talking about doubt in the context of religion but doubting the things people say to me. I haven't really been going to bed early like I usual do here lately because I've been busy with Pre Calculus homework. Being up that late leaves me having trouble falling asleep, so what do I do? I lay around and think about things. For me thinking can be pretty deadly because when I think about things, I over analyze them. When I over analyze them, I doubt their truth. When I doubt their truth, I worry...