Overload...

This past week and a half I've just been somewhat of an emotional wreck. Monday night, a woman who was basically like my own grandmother passed away. She was a believer, but it still hurt to have to say for now you're gone but then again it was a blessing to know that it is not the last time I'll see her. My family and I haven't really been getting along "the best" lately because of different issues. I'm just to the point where I'm sick of it, but I'm not going to compromise where I'm at in my spiritual walk just to satisfy them and get along. I yearn for God's will in every circumstance and I'm going to follow that no matter what, even if that means disagreeing with my family. Before when I have fought with them, I just get tired of fighting so I just say "sorry" so things will smooth over....but not this time. I've tried with everything in me not to yell back, do what is asked of me, and to continue praying for them. It's like the closer I get in my relationship with Christ, the farther I get from my family. Then again, I can count this time as a blessing because satan is testing me. He knows that I've given my life completely to Christ and he doesn't want that, so he is using the most important thing to me on this Earth to try and rip me from Christ's hand. Guess what! It isn't going to work!!! Christ has given me the strength and wisdom to count this all a blessing and to follow even harder after Him.
Something else that has really been bothering me is my call to missions. It's just getting stronger and stronger. When I came home from Arizona I was just so passionate about being out there and sharing God's word with others, to love on people, and to dedicate my life to God's service. I considered going to Boyce to pursure international missions and talked to a few people about this feeling in more detail. Some laughed in my face, some encouraged me, and some just said well...is that what is really best? That hit me hard...
Well senior year has finally started winding down and I feel like I just took the safe road by going to IUS for special and elementary education. I've never wanted to be a teacher. I have a passion for kids and helping others to learn how to do things but never actually teaching. The only way I thought about teaching was if I was going to be in an orphanage teaching...but no...me trying to live my life my own way and taking the safe path that most expect me to take is being taken. It's really getting under my skin!!!!! I want so bady to be living a life pleasing to God so why do I keep having that "back up plan"!? If I say I want to wholeheartedly follow Christ then why am I ignoring His call on my life to do missions by getting a teaching degree?
I have so many thoughts rambling around in my brain, I just need to get them out.
Please pray for me and I'm struggling with these, and if you'd like to talk I'd be more than happy to :)
Have a blessed day and thanks for taking the time to read through my randomness :)

Father, I thank you for what a loving and judging God you are. I thank you for the transformation you have made in my heart and for the many trials you send my way. Allow me to remember that your ways are higher than mine and that continue to chip away my old self to become the beautiful creations you intended me to be. I ask that you be with my family and friends who are struggling with my passion for missions and just soften their hearts to the idea.

No Sacrifice

To you I give my life, not just the parts I want to

To you I sacrifice these dreams that I hold on to


Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life



To you I give the gifts

Your love has given me

How can I hoard the treasures that you've designed for free?



Because

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life


To you I give my future

As long as it may last

To you I give my present

To you I give my past



Because

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

Your thoughts are higher than mine

Your words are deeper than mine

Your love is stronger than mine

This is no sacrifice

Here's my life