Jumping In Head First..

The past month or so, I've had a lot of time to sit back and think about life.

It's hard to believe that I'm actually going to be starting college this fall. It is going to be a real eye opener and that's scary. I think I'll do okay in college, but it's just the fact that I'm so use to having things basically handed to me and just being able to take it easy...not really slack off, but not try my hardest on my work for over 5 years now; getting back in the hang of doing my best on my work is going to be super hard and that's something I wish came easier. My parents have truly raised me with the best morals and views on my school work and for that I'm thankful and find comfort in because my outlook on school has always been a top priority to succeed in, so I think I'll be okay this fall....but still, growing up and stepping out into the real world of college is definitely a scary experience.

Something else I have had a lot of time to sit back and think about are the relationships I have in my life. There are a few relationships I have that probably aren't the best. I think I let people take advantage of me way to much. Everything is based on emotions. I don't think emotions are a bad thing, it's just that I hate when people react so suddenly on them. I can't say I'm innocent of never acting on emotions, because I'm guilty...right now I'm struggling with that. I just hate when I just let people say things to me and not defend myself because I don't want to risk losing a relationship. I'm horrible about doing that and wish it would stop...

Something else that's going on and that's been on my mind is that I have to make a pretty big decision in a few weeks and I'm scared. I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. With me, it's just that I like to know the outcome of things before I jump right in head first. In reality, it shows my sinful heart and how much I truly need Christ and to hand EVERYTHING over to Him. Why can't I trust Him in every situation instead of myself? You'd think I'd learn that since when I trust myself I fail miserably...