Transparent.

To be completely honest...my life feels like it is completely up in the air right now.
Just when things start to look up for me and I finally get back on track, something always slaps me hard in the face and brings me back to reality. I feel like I take 2 steps forward then, what feels like, 10 steps back.
To start things off:
At the beginning of this semester, I really did love college. Now, don't get me wrong; I love college it is just completely different than what I had been prepared for in high school. That first Monday I was boasting about how much I loved college and that it was going to be super easy. This made me go to classes on Tuesdays with a good feelings...I felt like "I got this, no need to worry!" Well I went into public speaking and realized it was going to take a lot more work than I had originally thought...I got the hang of it quickly but was something I was not use to. My teacher did not seem very approachable and our personalities just did not mix well. Over time, things became a little easier and now I current have a B+ in public speaking and couldn't be more proud.
The biggest root of all my problems is my night class.....oh boy. If I would have known what I was getting myself into sooner, I would have just dropped the class honestly. The first couple weeks of class were pretty good. All we did was going to class, take notes, then come home and do our homework online. My grade stayed between a 96-98. Then came the first test....well let's just say I did not do very well AT ALL! Apparently, when she said "if no work is shown, no credit is given" she meant it! I was so use to showing just parts of my work instead of every single little thing, that I go no credit whatsoever on almost all of my answers. Most of all my answers were correct, it's just the not showing work totally kick my butt! That dropped my grade dramatically..like I was in tears. I had gone from passing the class with a high A to a very low F. This is totally not like me at all. I have never actually failed a class in my life so this hit me pretty hard in my gut. I decided that since that first test was actually over 2 chapters and I didn't show my work that I could at least know what to expect on my second test since it was only over one chapter. Well apparently, when you "over-complicate" a problem yet still come to the same answer, you shouldn't get any credit for it either. I'm sorry but this particular thing really irritated me. I understand the not showing work, but if you can come to the same conclusion by just using a different process you should get credit for it!!! We all have different learning styles so we aren't all going to do work like another person thinks we should. It just really ticked me off that my teacher didn't give me any credit for problems that I had gotten right, just over-complicated it. Well me being the way I am, I just shrugged it off after crying about it for awhile and decided to just press on and keep trying the hardest I can. My last test that I took I felt pretty confident about. I had learned basically everything in my pre-cal class in high school so I knew I was going to do pretty good. Well I think when I'm confident about things I don't try as hard or something?? I really don't know. It's just like over time I feel overly confident, I do horrible and when I feel like I did horrible, I actually did horrible. But I have one final chapter test that I will take on December 1 and then my final on December 10. I'm not going to lie....I'm pretty nervous about it because I have to pass this class with at least a C so that I can apply to the School of Education. I'm currently at a 64 so "my fingers are crossed." But on the up side I do have a totally awesome sister that is going to be helping me study more..which I'm sooooo thankful for. It's like a hand coming out of the darkness to pull me up. I just pray that it actually helps me and that I can raise my grade to a C!!
I'm beginning to second guess a lot of things...I really have soooo many thoughts going through my head. In the end, I just needed to vent all this out because I'm seriously about to lose my mind. I've talked with my sister Kayla about all the things going on a lot but I felt like I just needed to get this off my chest more...I know God is the one who holds my future, but I just am finding myself struggling with handing it over to Him. I want to be able to see what my future holds to go after it wholeheartedly. With the path I'm on now, I'm so confused that I can't pursue what I'm doing wholeheartedly...anyways. If anybody actually read this silly little vent I appreciate it..hope you're having a better day/week/month than I am :)